drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize