i would punch a child for taco bell
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
