You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
