so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
