5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize