well I can't set my house on fire every night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
