A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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