I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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