You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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