If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
