just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
