We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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