VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
