I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
