the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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