Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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