They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
