I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
