I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
