I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
