So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
