He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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