Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
