1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
