I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
