But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
