This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize