Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
