I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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