I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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