we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk is not a location!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize