You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
