I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
