So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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