Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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