i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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