I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
