i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
