i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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