i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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