I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
