I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize