maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
