Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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