so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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