You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
