once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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