Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
