I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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