This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
