I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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