I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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