also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
