i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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