now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
