you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
