I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
