what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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