I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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