we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
