plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
