please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
