i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
