I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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