I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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