p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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