yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
