I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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