Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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