The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
